Evening dawns with the usual ringing of the telephone. Love calls from mum. The silent plea from her side to remember her, them. The family who lives far away yet near, very very near, close to my heart. The laptop tells me typing very twice is a grammatical mistake. Little does it understand the intensity that is felt within my heart. The distance and the love share a very strange relationship. On some days absence makes the heart grow fonder. On others it becomes out of sight out of mind. This ambivalence keeps on playing within us. We are so cruel, so so selfish! Yet that is what makes us so fragile and yes it keeps us sane and human. At the times of anger and pain I wait for that phone to ring, I wait for those arms to reach to me to rescue me from all my thoughts. But when I am happy I ignore those calls with the words I’m fine I will call you later. Empty cups with remnants of tea stains lines my desk. The love of my life treats me like an unknown person. Whenever we try to connect as if an invisible hand kind of holds him back. Is it that we thrive on misery? Is it that we want to stay unhappy? We love the hurt, the pain? Do we type in a larger font to fill the empty page of our life? Or are we just puzzled and trapped within the boundaries of the alphabets? What about anger? Why is it in place of love we feel so much of anger? Is it misplaced love? Love that we cannot see? Are we really so confused? Or is it that we love questions so much that we have stopped looking for answers. That we have stopped looking for that petty silliness that completes our day to make us smile. Smile, have we forgotten to smile? Is it that I want to be with you? Or do I want my own space? I do not know at all. Then to interrupt all my musings comes the hard knock on my door.. bang, bang, bang. They sound as if they are going to break down my glass door. I hurry down. I intend to shout but I do not. This is because reality calls me to wake up. I am supposed to be the answer giver to a lot of young minds. But at the end who answers my ambivalence who wakes me up from my reverie or my dreaded nightmare? The knock comes again to disturb me… Is it to disturb me or to stop me from this destruction that I am inflicting on my own? Ohh thank god! it was not another query of some insensible question! But it was a query for me ! It was a query about me of whether I would be present tomorrow. Whether I am ok? That was a first. But again my selfish mind reminded me that maybe there was an ulterior motive behind this enquiry that is if I am well then I would conduct the next day’s test or not. And thus the quest for love continues on a day of work.